While my brusque demeanor may hide it, I am aware that family law is a service industry and I work for the clients who retain me. However, unlike most service industries, law, especially family law, is a collaborative process where the customer/client must do work before the attorney can do work. There are many tasks a family law attorney cannot even begin doing until the client performs certain tasks. And there is some work that is time sensitive. Missing deadlines can have serious consequences. Being unprepared for court hearings can have devastating consequences.
Thus a client who ghosts his or her attorney is engaging in behavior that should worry any good and diligent family law attorney. That a client is ignoring his or her attorney and the case does not stop the case from proceeding or deadlines from being missed. I believe a reputation for preparedness helps me have credibility with my fellow attorneys and with family court judges. Clients who hinder that reputation by ghosting me hinder all my future clients. I won’t abide that behavior.
Most good attorneys have multiple clients. Dedicating my limited time and attention to getting particular clients to pay attention is exhausting. I rarely bill my full time for reviewing a file and leaving multiple messages or sending multiple emails to get the client’s attention. My preference is to focus on the cooperative clients’ cases.
Further, experience show that a client who ghosts his or her attorney often emerges in crisis—typically a crisis that only exists because the client ignored the situation until the matter became urgent. When a client is in crisis I have two options: 1) clear all my other work to focus on that crisis; 2) tell the client that the crisis will need to wait until I can provide proper attention. The first option is exhausting and means my other clients suffer. The second option means the client suffers. Thus, my goal is to avoid client crises. Some crises cannot be avoided but a client who presents numerous or avoidable crises is a client I prefer to stop working for.
Ghost me and I won’t want to work for you for long. Neither will any other attorney who respects him or herself.
3 thoughts on If you ghost your family law attorney don’t be surprised if good attorneys won’t work for you
A Different Perspective on Why Clients “Ghost” Family Law Attorneys
Gregory Forman’s article suggests that when clients “ghost” their attorneys, they are irresponsible, negligent, or oblivious to the importance of legal deadlines. But as someone who has endured the absolute nightmare of family court proceedings, I’d like to offer a different, much-needed perspective—one that acknowledges why some clients disappear and why, in many cases, it is in their best interest to do so.
This isn’t about laziness or lack of concern; this is about survival in a system designed to exhaust, manipulate, and financially drain litigants. If attorneys like Mr. Forman want to understand why good people “ghost” them, they need to pull their heads out of their elitist, egotistical legal bubbles and look at the system from an unbiased, client-centered lens.
1. Financial Coercion: When Attorneys Bleed Clients Dry
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: money. Family law is not just a “service industry” as Mr. Forman describes it—it is a predatory industry for many. A vast number of family law attorneys engage in:
Unclear billing practices that rack up excessive legal fees without proper explanations.
Billing for “busy work” such as reviewing the same file multiple times, sending redundant emails, or making unnecessary court filings to justify charging clients more.
Dropping clients when their funds run low—leaving them defenseless and forcing them to start over with another attorney, only to be charged another massive retainer.
When a client “ghosts” an attorney, it is often because they have been financially drained and cannot afford to keep hemorrhaging money into a broken system. They aren’t ignoring deadlines—they’re deciding whether to pay rent or continue funding legal fees that may or may not protect their rights.
Mr. Forman, have you considered that many of your “ghosting” clients are drowning in legal fees that make their cases unsustainable?
2. Mistrust and Broken Client-Attorney Relationships
Mr. Forman claims that ghosting an attorney hinders “preparedness” and “credibility” in the courtroom. What he fails to acknowledge is that many clients ghost their attorneys because they realize their attorney is not actually advocating for them.
Clients see their attorneys cozying up to opposing counsel.
They recognize when their lawyer is more concerned with court decorum than with actually fighting for them.
They witness attorneys allowing judicial bias to go unchallenged because they don’t want to “ruffle feathers.”
Many litigants in family court eventually realize that their attorney is more invested in preserving their own professional reputation than in securing real justice for their client. When a client sees this happening, ghosting becomes an act of self-preservation.
If you truly believe your ghosted clients are “ignoring” their cases, perhaps it’s time to consider that they are actually avoiding YOU because they no longer trust your ability to represent them.
3. The Trauma of Family Court: Why “Ghosting” is Self-Defense
Let’s be brutally honest: Family court is a traumatic, emotionally abusive system. For many litigants, the process is not just a “legal battle”—it is an all-out assault on their mental health, their dignity, and their financial stability.
Parents are forced to defend their right to see their own children against false or exaggerated allegations.
Guardians ad Litem and forensic experts submit reports that destroy families with little oversight or accountability.
Judges make biased rulings that ignore fundamental rights.
The constant retraumatization, the feeling of powerlessness, the frustration of watching lies prevail over truth—these are just a few of the reasons why clients “disappear.”
They’re not “ghosting” their attorneys. They’re breaking free from a system that has failed them.
Mr. Forman, if you don’t understand why so many of your clients ghost you, perhaps the problem isn’t them—it’s the system you so proudly uphold.
Final Thoughts: Unsticking the Legal Head from Its Own Pomposity
Mr. Forman, while your article offers insight into an attorney’s frustrations, it completely lacks empathy for the human beings who are navigating a brutal legal system that favors wealth, connections, and procedural gamesmanship over truth and fairness.
Maybe it’s time you unstick your head from the clouds of attorney godhood and start listening to your clients before they ghost you. Because in many cases, they aren’t ignoring you.
Ms. Louise makes mostly valid points in this well thought out comment. I am sure many clients ghost their attorneys due to either breakdown in the attorney-client relationship or as a reaction to the stress of divorce or custody litigation. Further, I select against clients who need empathy from their attorney as many clients need to fix problems in their own lives to achieve their goals and empathy hinders my ability to give clear but unwelcome advice.
When an attorney-client relationship reaches the point where the client deliberately ghosts the attorney, the client is better off changing attorneys. About 10% of my clients end up discharging me and I am fine with that percentage. Not every attorney-client relationship is productive.
Very well stated & so correct!!
A Different Perspective on Why Clients “Ghost” Family Law Attorneys
Gregory Forman’s article suggests that when clients “ghost” their attorneys, they are irresponsible, negligent, or oblivious to the importance of legal deadlines. But as someone who has endured the absolute nightmare of family court proceedings, I’d like to offer a different, much-needed perspective—one that acknowledges why some clients disappear and why, in many cases, it is in their best interest to do so.
This isn’t about laziness or lack of concern; this is about survival in a system designed to exhaust, manipulate, and financially drain litigants. If attorneys like Mr. Forman want to understand why good people “ghost” them, they need to pull their heads out of their elitist, egotistical legal bubbles and look at the system from an unbiased, client-centered lens.
1. Financial Coercion: When Attorneys Bleed Clients Dry
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: money. Family law is not just a “service industry” as Mr. Forman describes it—it is a predatory industry for many. A vast number of family law attorneys engage in:
Unclear billing practices that rack up excessive legal fees without proper explanations.
Billing for “busy work” such as reviewing the same file multiple times, sending redundant emails, or making unnecessary court filings to justify charging clients more.
Dropping clients when their funds run low—leaving them defenseless and forcing them to start over with another attorney, only to be charged another massive retainer.
When a client “ghosts” an attorney, it is often because they have been financially drained and cannot afford to keep hemorrhaging money into a broken system. They aren’t ignoring deadlines—they’re deciding whether to pay rent or continue funding legal fees that may or may not protect their rights.
Mr. Forman, have you considered that many of your “ghosting” clients are drowning in legal fees that make their cases unsustainable?
2. Mistrust and Broken Client-Attorney Relationships
Mr. Forman claims that ghosting an attorney hinders “preparedness” and “credibility” in the courtroom. What he fails to acknowledge is that many clients ghost their attorneys because they realize their attorney is not actually advocating for them.
Clients see their attorneys cozying up to opposing counsel.
They recognize when their lawyer is more concerned with court decorum than with actually fighting for them.
They witness attorneys allowing judicial bias to go unchallenged because they don’t want to “ruffle feathers.”
Many litigants in family court eventually realize that their attorney is more invested in preserving their own professional reputation than in securing real justice for their client. When a client sees this happening, ghosting becomes an act of self-preservation.
If you truly believe your ghosted clients are “ignoring” their cases, perhaps it’s time to consider that they are actually avoiding YOU because they no longer trust your ability to represent them.
3. The Trauma of Family Court: Why “Ghosting” is Self-Defense
Let’s be brutally honest: Family court is a traumatic, emotionally abusive system. For many litigants, the process is not just a “legal battle”—it is an all-out assault on their mental health, their dignity, and their financial stability.
Parents are forced to defend their right to see their own children against false or exaggerated allegations.
Guardians ad Litem and forensic experts submit reports that destroy families with little oversight or accountability.
Judges make biased rulings that ignore fundamental rights.
The constant retraumatization, the feeling of powerlessness, the frustration of watching lies prevail over truth—these are just a few of the reasons why clients “disappear.”
They’re not “ghosting” their attorneys. They’re breaking free from a system that has failed them.
Mr. Forman, if you don’t understand why so many of your clients ghost you, perhaps the problem isn’t them—it’s the system you so proudly uphold.
Final Thoughts: Unsticking the Legal Head from Its Own Pomposity
Mr. Forman, while your article offers insight into an attorney’s frustrations, it completely lacks empathy for the human beings who are navigating a brutal legal system that favors wealth, connections, and procedural gamesmanship over truth and fairness.
Maybe it’s time you unstick your head from the clouds of attorney godhood and start listening to your clients before they ghost you. Because in many cases, they aren’t ignoring you.
They are saving themselves.
Ms. Louise makes mostly valid points in this well thought out comment. I am sure many clients ghost their attorneys due to either breakdown in the attorney-client relationship or as a reaction to the stress of divorce or custody litigation. Further, I select against clients who need empathy from their attorney as many clients need to fix problems in their own lives to achieve their goals and empathy hinders my ability to give clear but unwelcome advice.
When an attorney-client relationship reaches the point where the client deliberately ghosts the attorney, the client is better off changing attorneys. About 10% of my clients end up discharging me and I am fine with that percentage. Not every attorney-client relationship is productive.